Is there a DOCTOR in the HOUSE? Damn right there is, biyatch!

In real life, I suffer from severely dry eyes (cos I'm so un-emo that my tear glands don't work properly, take that bitches!) and last night, this crossed over into my dream world.

The dream started off normal enough, with me going to the doctor to get another dose of artifical tears... but instead of my regular GP surgery, I'm in the office of Dr HOUSE! And I don't mean one of the examination rooms in the hospital, I mean his actual office, sitting at the table where his ho's normally sit. They weren't in the dream though.

There is, however, some generic nurse whose face I can't even remember. I'd like to think it was one of the extra's who maybe played a nurse in a past episode, so let's just pretend it was mmmkay?

So my eyes are held open in a slightly uncomfortable manner (ie the nurse gets her fingers and HOLDS them open) and some liquid is squirted underneath my eyeball with a metallic straw. House seems satisfied with whatever result this produced, and just as I stand up to leave, the nurse screams "HOUSE!". My vision starts going red, and after rubbing my right eye, I see that my hand is covered in blood.

But I'm not crying blood, oh no. As House tells the nurse "She's not crying blood! The oxygen in her eyes roots has been disrupted and now the blood is seeping from her pores." DUH.

By now, the blood is pretty much pouring out of my skin and I'm being injected numerous times with an orange substance and have an oxygen mask over my face (yes, my face, not my mouth, MY FACE).

I am then informed by House that the blood has stopped, and to drive home as quickly as I can, because if it starts again it will be from my mouth and I won't be able to talk to call an ambulance.

And that, my friends, is when I woke up! For the record, my eyes were HELLA DRY.

MOTORCOASTER~!

This dream starts with me in the car, ready to drive home from uni. In real life, I'm now pretty confident doing this journey, and I was in my dream too. Well, I'm guessing I was because I didn't pay attention to the signs properly and ended up in the wrong lane, on the wrong road, heading to the wrong place. Ooops.

Obviously I can't just turn around in the middle of the motorway, so I have to keep going and I start to see signs with the word "Preston" on them, so I think "oooh, I'll follow those and just do some cool little circle thing and start the journey again!". But things are never that straightforward in an Effexor-influenced dream, oh no!

I turn off a slip road that gradually turns into.... a ROLLERCOASTER TRACK!

Naturally, this is a bit scary, but again, you can't exactly turn round or reverse, technically this is still motorway territory. So I drive round the track and manage not to die (or, y'know, wake up) and then I'm in the middle of some weird theme park cos GUESS WHAT? Preston has a secret THEME PARK that isn't actually IN Preston, but is owned and ran by people from Preston so therefore they class it as Preston. Plus, they were kinda creepy so I wasn't going to argue with them.

So I get out of the car and try asking some of them how to get back to Preston and they're all just "You're IN Preston, dumbass." So I say "NO, the OTHER Preston", to which they reply "THERE IS ONLY ONE PRESTON!!!!!"

Then I got back in the car and... woke up. Sorry!

Strangers With Candy are only safe if they're not next to water, mmmkay?

This next dream falls more into what I consider to be a Traditional Unmedicated Dream. By that, I mean it has celebrity cameos and a slight sense of danger, mixed with background things that have no connection to anything else that's going on. LET'S ROCK THIS BITCH!

I'm standing on a bridge, looking at a river. Around me are masses of African American's doing backflips up and down the road, in between the traffic. This part (as far as I know) has no relevance to anything else that happens.

Two shady looking characters (okay, fine, they were actually two boringly normal looking people) are walking past me and offer me some marshallows. I say yes, because the bag is unopened, and y'know, marshmallows are just cool.

So I eat marshmallows and it turns out, in this crazed dream reality, marshmallows are drugs and I start to feel like I've been shot at with a tranq. gun... then I fall off the bridge into the river.

Now, when I say my dreams sometimes feature celebrity cameos, in this case I mean celebrities that are really only recognisable to people of my particular brand of nerd, so allow me to elaborate; this dream features Nathan Fillion (Johnny in Two Guys and a Girl... Captain Malcolm Reynolds in Firefly... Caleb in BTVS... Captain Hammer in Dr Horrible's Singalong Blog... Richard Castle in Castle...) and Adam Baldwin (Jayne Cobb in Firefly... Marcus Hamilton in Angel... John Casey in Chuck...).

So Nathan Fillion and Adam Baldwin just HAPPEN to be walking by riverside and pull me out. Then it's kind of like in Pulp Fiction when Mia OD's on the heroin, SHIT let's get to the car, we need to ANTIDOTE! But instead of going to someone's house for an adrenaline shot, we go to Burger King. Cos the antidote is ice cream, duh.

As we sit in Burger King, all with ice cream, they advise me on the dangers of accepting marshmallows from strangers whilst next to any form of free-flowing water. Then I think we all lived happily ever after.

No Jamaican Studies? GTFO!

A short dream to get the drug free (get it?) party started.

It's a delightfully sunny day, and my boyfriend and I are sitting in the middle of a car park. He is returning a call from the Job Seekers Allowance People, who ask him a series of questions. His phone is not on loudspeaker, yet I can here both sides of the conversation clearly, which went like this:

Them: So we just need to clarify, are you doing French Studies or Jamaican Studies?
Him: Why are you asking me this? I filled in a form...
Them: We need to know if you're doing Jamaican Studies.
Him: No. Sometimes French people go to Jamaica though -
Them: In that case, we can only offer you 90p a week.

And that was that. An unusually short dream, but still fun.

Obligatory Intro Post

As tempting as it is to just jump straight in here, this will make so much more sense to anyone who happens to read it, if I give a little backstory. Don't worry, I'll keep it short.

So, I am part of the medicated society (aka The Majority) - I take Effexor XR, it serves me well for those who are concerned, but one of the side effects is strange and/or vivid dreams. This is particuarly prominent if you accidentally miss a dose, which if you're like me, isn't that rare of an occurrence.

This blog is just a place to document these strange dreams :)